It’s Not About The Nail
Every man has heard these words before, “Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.” But the fact is, whether you are a man or a woman, all of us have rushed to fix a problem rather than listen attentively. Why do we do this?
It’s instinctive for us to resolve an issue that we clearly notice. We believe that our quick fix will help the other person become all better. However, the fix may not be what our loved one needs. So, what are we supposed to do? Here are 3 suggestions to help you respond the next time you feel tempted to be a fixer.
- Listen & Ask Questions. Their need is for us to be a listening ear as they process their thoughts and struggles. If you’re not understanding, ask clarifying questions. Make sure you are providing your undivided attention and not trying to move on to what you want to talk about. Engage in a conversation and attempt to understand your partner’s point of view by listening, asking questions and finally, understanding.
- Focus On Feelings & Not Issues. Most of the time, your partner is interested in letting out what they are feeling inside. What they feel may not be how you feel but learn to empathize with how they are processing their issue. Let them realize that you are a safe person to share their inner most thoughts and feelings without being judged or being offered an easy solution.
- Provide Feedback When Asked. As we mentioned, your partner may just want a listening ear and not someone to dispense a fix for the problem. In fact, your partner may not even be aware the problem is really a problem. It is always best when you offer your opinions and suggestions when asked by your partner. You could even say, “Hey, do I have permission to speak honestly?” or “I totally understand how you feel. This is what I think..”. First affirm how they feel and then share your feedback.
